Kadaj No Theme
by Chaxra-san
Summary: The first of my Final Fantasy 7 songfics. Kadaj has a bad dream and is comforted by his brothers.


This is my first song-fic and my first Final Fantasy fic.

I liked this... I think I'll make more...

Kadaj, Yazoo, Loz and Sephiroth belong to Square

The song is 'All That I'm Living For' by Evanescence.

* * *

_All that I'm living for_

_All that I'm dying for_

_All that I can't ignore alone at night_

Kadaj woke up crying. It was always the same. He'd fall asleep and then Mother would be there, calling his name. Sometimes she'd embrace him, congratulating him for his progress in the search. Other times, like now, she would hurt him, hitting him and yelling at him for not finding the place for the reunion, and for being too slow. He tried to stifle his sobs, so he would not wake his sleeping brothers. He didn't want them to know what happened in his nightmares.

_I can feel the night beginning_

_Separate me from the living_

_Understanding me_

_After all I've seen_

_Piecing every thought together_

_Find the words to make me better_

_If I only I knew how to pull myself apart_

He sat up carefully and hugged his knees to his chest, his silver hair shining in the light of the moon streaming through the open window. Sometimes he wished he'd never been born, so he wouldn't have to sacrifice himself.

"I'm sorry, Mother," he whispered.

_All that I'm living for_

_All that I'm dying for_

_All that I can't ignore alone at night_

_All that I'm wanted for_

_Although I wanted more_

_Lock the last open door-_

_My ghosts are gaining on me_

He stared forlornly out the window, pitying his own existence. He briefly thought about everything he'd been through with his brothers. He silently wondered if they had nightmares too, about their past. Suddenly a small choked sob escaped his lips before he could stop it. He froze as Yazoo began to stir next to him.

_I believe that dreams are sacred_

_Take my darkest fears and play them_

_Like a lullaby_

_Like a reason why_

_Like a play of my obsessions_

_Make me understand the lesson_

_So I'll find myself_

_So I wont be lost again_

Kadaj lay down quickly, pulled the sheets over himself and pretended to be asleep.

"Kadaj? Are you okay?" whispered Yazoo, his shadow falling over Kadaj as he propped himself up on one elbow.

_All that I'm living for_

_All that I'm dying for_

_All that I can't ignore alone at night_

_All that I'm wanted for_

_Although I wanted more_

_Lock the last open door-_

_My ghosts are gaining on me_

When Kadaj didn't answer, Yazoo reached under the covers and scooped him out from underneath. He hugged Kadaj close to him while stroking his hair gently.

"I know you're awake, Kadaj," said Yazoo softly, "And I know something's wrong."

Loz woke up then, upon seeing his two brothers also awake, crawled over to them and asked Kadaj why he was crying.

_Guess I thought I'd have to change the world_

_To make you see me_

_To be the one_

_I could have run forever_

_But how far would I have come_

_Without mourning your love?_

Kadaj shook his head slightly.

"If you're trying to say that you're not crying, it's obvious that you are, because you're dripping on Yazz," said Loz, using Yazoo's pet name.

Kadaj sniffled slightly and pressed back into Loz's waiting arms. The three brothers sat silently in a line, Kadaj held in the middle.

After a few minutes, Kadaj had calmed down enough to talk to them.

"...Mother spoke to me, in a dream. She's mad because we're not going fast enough."

"Oh Kadaj, why don't you ever tell us when you're upset?" asked Loz despairingly.

"I do!" protested Kadaj.

He wouldn't look at either of them. Yazoo put his fingers under Kadaj's chin and pushed his head up so he could see his face.

"Say that again," requested Yazoo quietly.

"Yazz, I--" began Kadaj, but faltered.

His sea-green eyes slowly filled with tears again.

_All that I'm living for_

_All that I'm dying for_

_All that I can't ignore alone at night_

_All that I'm wanted for_

_Although I wanted more_

_Lock the last open door-_

_My ghosts are gaining on me_

"What is it that you're scared of, Kadaj? Tell us," said Loz.

"Becoming Sephiroth, making Mother angry again and losing you two," Kadaj whispered.

"You don't have to be afraid anymore. We're right here with you and always will be," said Yazoo gently.

"Thank you," came Kadaj's soft reply.

"We should get some rest, for tomorrow," suggested Loz.

They settled back onto the pillows. Kadaj's smile faded as Yazoo and Loz fell back into sleep.

They were wrong.

It had always been his destiny to die alone.

_Should it hurt to love you?_

_Should I feel like I do?_

_Should I lock the last door-_

_My ghosts are gaining on me.

* * *

_

I love the triplets!!! Reviews?


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